Thought it was a good start and it ended up - sucks .

Well , this is post aint about my daily life or so whatever . Just somewhere this post being decided by to be an emo one to express how I feel .

Guess from the title it shows that we're quarelling . Yeah , we always do . We thought it was so good because each argument or disatisfy turns to be solved and we love each other even more . It does . But this time no .. Not any more .. It turns to be like so badly .

We both knew that the day we chosen to be together , it will never be easy to walk every steps . I'm glad that we walked thru the past till now .. but no one gonna garantee you for tmr even the next minute . Granny and auntie had been talking to me recently . Perhaps they were right . Perhaps like they say I knew what's gonna bring out the outcome is me that dont want to face the reality . Perhaps they were wrong . I want to try everything on my own . It's my decision . It complicates my heart . So badly . I cant even get out of all these problem of my head TT

Just put every blame on me . Sorry for not doing good enough . Im silly . Im dumb . Im useless . I have low self esteem . But Im just a girl wanting to be loved and pamper as well . I thought I was so secure under your embrace but it turns out to be fearful place ever . Not because you've given less , is haven get to give u enough . ):

I always compared myself with others . I always feel stupid TT those feeling is so bad . Those feeling were linger around in me myself so strongly . I always think you can get someone better than me . I always feel I'm doing not enough .

What the elderly had told me really confusing .. I thought love is something you keep on giving without asking ? I thought it borns naturally in pure true heart that you want yr partner to be happy all the time ? I thought making them happy is part of it . Why everyone is complaning that I'm giving enough perhaps is more than enough ? and it turns to me which is so call valueless . Why they say Im dumb to do so much ?
Im having the hesitating feeling to believe them or myself . hesitating on the real meaning of love . TT

Tears drop in the bottom of my heart which no one can feels except god , me and my heart .
Those unspoken words just let time fades away .